I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
