What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
