the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
