I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
