I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
