the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
