The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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