Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
