Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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