you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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