I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize