I puked a lego.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
