Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
