Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
