Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
