Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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