Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
