when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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