I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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