Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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