I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
