Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
