Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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