Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
