Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
