Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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