Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
