he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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