yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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