last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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