a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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