my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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