I want you more than these girls want KFC
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
