he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
