Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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