I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
