he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
