i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
