he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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