anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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