gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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