just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
