So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
