Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
