the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
