hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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