Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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