rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
