i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
