How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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