Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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