He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
