Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
