just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
