Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
