PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
