You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
