she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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