Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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