so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
