the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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