The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
