i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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