based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize