Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
