She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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