get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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