can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
