YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
