My hand turned me down
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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