Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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