o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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