I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
