took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
