just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
