My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I believe in your delicious
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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