and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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