Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
